Is this what I’ve become?
This shadow, this shell of who I was?
This empty soul, this tortured mind,
Is this what I’ve become?

Is this what I’ve become?
This falsehood, premonition that I’ve been?
This belching hatred, these spewing lies,
Is this what I’ve become?

Is this what I’ve become?
This pretender, vying for the throne?
Still worshipping this fallen, absent god,
Is this what I’ve become?

Is this what I’ve become?
This shadow, this shell of who I was?
And here I am with this pen again,
Is this what I’ve become?

Yellowed and cracked
Beneath the broken glass
In a box of beat up things
Ariana still smiles her
Down-home smile
Among the dead and broken
Buried with the life
I lived before

Yellowed and cracked
Beneath the broken glass
In a box of beat up things
There’s still that bit
Of beauty
Of pent-up love and life
Buried through the anger
Tied up in the night

I never had the nerve
I never had the clarity
To bring an end to this
Pointless and unending
Story
But things have changed
Yeah, I have changed
And I think, Ariana . . .

I think it might be time

But I can’t see her
Through the tears
Or the dust built up
All these years
Or the fact I don’t
Have the will to turn
And face her

Yellowed and cracked
Beneath the broken glass
In a box of beat up things

I’ve never seen such beautiful bright-blue skies
I know what you’re thinking
I’ve never wanted anything more than right
And I know why I’m leaving . . . because

I can’t make it work
I can’t play this game
I can’t make it change
It’s all just the same
I could never smile
I could never sing
I can’t move a mountain
I can’t be a king

I’ve never walked quite so beautiful a mile
I know what I’m missing
I’ve never had anything but love
And I know why I’m leaving . . . because
I’m leaving because I love
The shadows in the daytime

And

I can’t make it work
I can’t play this game
I can’t make it change
It’s all just the same
I could never smile
I could never sing
I can’t move a mountain
I can’t be a king

Another sweet song plays a little louder
Some more words I once thought were true
They’re all so true
Another faded photograph, I see
Another of my faded memories
These thoughts of you
I’m lost it’s true

I’ve never missed anything shameless
Never needed to see you smile
I’ve never played the games of sorrow
Never walked so many miles
But to see the clouds growing higher
To dream I see you next to me
I cannot let it go
No, not this time

Another sweet song plays a little louder
Some more words I once thought were true
They’re all so true
Another faded photograph, I see
Another of my faded memories
These thoughts of you
I’m lost it’s true

I’ve never missed anything shameless
Never needed to see you smile
I’ve never played the games of sorrow
Never walked so many miles
But to see the clouds growing higher
To dream I see you next to me
I cannot let it go
No, not this time

I raise my eyes
Just to look at someone
And they turn away
But still I try
And baby you’re not listenin’
To a word I say
So what am I supposed to do?
Come right runnin’ back to you?
Don’t you see, it’s far too soon?
Don’t you see, it’s far too soon?

I look around
Just to grasp at something
And nothin’s there
But still I try
And maybe I’m not sorry
And life ain’t fair
So what am I supposed to do?
Come right runnin’ back to you?
Don’t you see, it’s far too soon?
Don’t you see, it’s far too soon?

This time it’s the real deal
Gonna get a good job
Find a steady woman
Take off with the kids and
Live in the mountains
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
This time it’s the real deal

So call me crazy
I’ve been called worse
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
This time it’s the real deal

This time it’s the real deal
Gonna buy that car
Buy a house up in the hills
Leave this damned small town
Start all over again
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
This time it’s the real deal

So call me crazy
I’ve been called worse
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
This time it’s the real deal

This time it’s the real deal
Gonna dream American
Drive a Chevrolet
Out of this damned small town
Start all over again
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
This time it’s the real deal

I walked out into the daylight
It’s been so long since I’ve seen
A mid-day sun
The cars are driving faster and
The sky has grown different
And cold
The dreams I held so long ago
Near forgotten, all but gone
And a passing car splashes
Through a puddle
Of broken dreams

And the shadows craft
Gracefully into the distant horizon
A long-lost thought of home
And a desert as barren
As the life to which I’ve just
Been freed

I drop my bus fare
Walk on board
And with a pocket full of cash
And a life burned down to ash
This moving metal box
Takes me back . . .
Takes me back

I walked out into the daylight
It’s been so long since I’ve seen
A mid-day sun
And everyone’s just moved along
And I know I’ve done something wrong
But where are all the birds
That used to sing along
With Blink 182

I drop my bus fare
Walk on board
And with a pocket full of cash
And a life burned down to ash
This moving metal box
Takes me back . . .
Takes me back

They’ve never known
What it’s like to be scared
To bleed, to feel this pain
They’ve never known
They’ve never known
They’ve never seen the rage
Read the signs
Turned the page
They’ve never known
What it feels like to be
Me

They’ve never known
What it’s like to be scared
To cry, to feel this pain inside
They’ve never known
They’ve never known
They’ve never known my name
Seen the light or
Touched the flame
But for a bit
For a second they’ll know
What it feels like to be
Me

And out that second floor window
I see they’ve come to play my game
They mount their horses
Draw their swords
To storm these castle walls
I swear to anyone listening
Any soul that still remains . . .

They’ll never take me alive

Hmh
Good Morning, Ariana
Like I would have the nerve
Or the clarity
To end it all like this

With your back against that wall
He looms shadowing . . . menacing
Screaming but you don’t hear nothin’
The fists fly in skyward
The flesh gives way slowly
The blood . . . drips . . . down
Your . . . face

Centreville looms in the backdrop
Chantilly laces her cleats down the road
And you’d give anything to be
Anywhere else right now
In more ways than one
Sets the summer sun

And you walk a little
Slower into sixth-period
Teacher asks, “What’s wrong?”
The rage . . . pumps . . . through
Your . . . veins

With your back against that wall
He looms shadowing . . . menacing
Hurting but you don’t feel nothin’
So fall in slow-motion
Entertaining the notion
No . . . no, you’re not the one who
Beat you down to the floor

So fall in slow-motion
Entertaining the notion
And the bastard can’t die if he’s
Not really alive ~

I walk across the street to Franklin Middle
Heavy coat keeping that winter air outside
And the heat that burns my veins within
I smile politely at the people when I can
I like it when they can’t see my hands

And the dirty red-brown bricks
Shield this place from the world
And keep those dark little secrets
Locked inside
I know that if the world knew
The torment in these walls
That would be the end of it all
But nobody’s listening
Nobody’s listening

I walk in through those tinted black doors
Past the heavy eye of the watchful staff
Those laughing gazes burning into me
I always try to look the other way
They have nothing relevant to say

And the dirty red-brown bricks
Shield this place from the world
And keep those dark little secrets
Locked inside
I know that if the world knew
The torment in these walls
That would be the end of it all
But nobody’s listening
Nobody’s listening

I walk across the street to Franklin Middle
Heavy coat keeping that winter air outside
And everything else buried within
I smile politely at the people when I can
I like it when they can’t see my hands

Sometimes I sit here and think about
All those faces that come and go
The little pieces and parts of this
Faded and broken down life
It seems that I can do anything
Yeah, that’s what they’ll say
It’s not like it matters anyway

Look away
I’ve never been able
To look you in the eyes
And tell you I don’t care
Look away
If I pretend I have
Your answers and I
Could give you reasons why
Look away
Look away from me
I’m tired of looking at all
Your sharpened faces

Sometimes I sit here and think about
All the faces that come and go
The only reasons I have to hold on

Look away
I’ve never been able
To look you in the eyes
And tell you I don’t care
Look away
If I pretend I have
Your answers and I
Could give you reasons why
Look away
Look away from me
I’m tired of looking at all
Your sharpened faces

Look away
Look away from me
I’m tired of looking at all
Your sharpened faces
I’m tired of looking at all
Your truths
Your lies

Who’s looking out anymore
When everything’s on the inside
As long as you feel a little better
About yourself
That’s all that matters, right?

You’re not really much of anything
To me

Who’s looking out anymore
At least you’ve still got an inside
Makes me feel a little less here
Because I’m going
Exactly where you’re drivin’ me

You’re not really much of anything
To me

Who’s looking out anymore
Ha, you were never looking out
For me
You were never looking out
For me!

How long
Can you expect
For me to take this?
How long
Do you want me
To hold on?
Did you want
To tell me
That you’re sorry?
Ha.

You’re less than human
To the kid
You’ve dehumanized
The skinny one who doesn’t
Throw the football right
Doesn’t like the popular songs
And gets those damn straight-A’s
You’re less than human
Less than human
You’re less than human
To me

Good morning, Ariana
It’s been a while
I’ve seen you in the morning
Every night
I know it’s not about forever
When we’ll never be together
But Ariana, at least your picture
Can light these lonely days

Through the tired eyes
And broken dreams that make up
All my life
Through the haunted thoughts
That shadow every hour
When I’m lost in life’s worst moments
When I’m left without a word
You prove to me there’s still beauty
In this world

So, Ariana
Keep on shining in my room
Let me pretend you even
Know my name

Good morning, Ariana
It’s been so long
I’ve seen you in the papers
On TV
I know tomorrow may be lonely
And your arms will never hold me
But Ariana, at least your picture
Can light these lonely days

Through the frustrated shards
Of broken glass that shield you
From my world
And the tearstained visions
That occupy my nights
When I’m reeling from the hatred
And when I’m dying to be heard
You prove to me there’s still beauty
In this world

So, Ariana
Keep on shining in my room
Let me pretend you even
Know my name

Let me pretend you even
Know my name

And in the waiting room
Crowded above the rivers of tears
And the children running
Around our dirty feet
There are a few fleeting moments
An afterglow

A Catholic priest, a Methodist preacher
Grasp hands and pray
For all the words we can’t just say
And the miracle of today

And the mass closes in
Circling about the lake of feeling
The Baptists and Muslims
The Jews and Buddhists
Islamic militants and Christian crusaders
Atheists and Scientologists
Lesbians and Republicans
Gun owners and Democrats
Disco fans and hard-rockers
Israelis and Palestinians
Blacks and Whites
Lefts and Rights
Hold each other’s hands
And stare up at the dark night sky
Lifting their voices
Lifting their voices

But it fades away

And no matter how broad the smile
They never went the extra mile

Looking back
Into the rearview mirror
Sometimes I wish
I still could see her
Smiling
To see her smiling

Looking back
I know there’s no going back
Sometimes I wish
I still could hear her
Laughing
To hear her laughing

Looking back
Into the rearview mirror
One solitary rose grows
Out of the pavement
Tasting the silence
That builds up
On a desert highway

Solitary rose
Don’t tell me your lies
Solitary rose
Reach out for the sky

Looking back
Into the rearview mirror
I never saw it coming

We cannot just sit quietly
Can’t imagine we’re still free
The silence still grows deeper
That lies between just you and me
I called you from a California payphone
There’s nobody home

And still, my friend, I knew you then
I know you now and I’ll still know tomorrow
I’ll still know where poppies grow
Where love is true and I’ll still know tomorrow
Tomorrow

We cannot just pretend we still feel
Can’t just hide and hope I still care
I opened my eyes and you’re hiding
Between the lines from here to there
And I called you from a North Dakota payphone
There’s nobody home

And still, my friend, I knew you then
I know you now and I’ll still know tomorrow
I’ll still know where poppies grow
Where love is true and I’ll still know . . .

And still my friend I knew you then
I know you now and I’ll still know tomorrow
I’ll still know where poppies grow
Where love is true and I’ll still know tomorrow
Tomorrow

I called you from a cheap Miami payphone
There’s nobody home

I saw her walking on the edge of the road
My eyes strayed to her smile
I stopped the car, rolled the window down
So she rode a couple miles

I’m not a man that looks back a lot
And I seldom have regrets
But my eyes grow damp and my knees get weak
When I remember what she said

She said, “I don’t really know you
But you seem like a nice guy
Maybe in another lifetime
We could give this thing a try
But you have your life and place
And there are things I’ve got to be
So thanks for the ride, but let me off
At mile marker two-forty-three”

The last few minutes flew past us quickly
And she left me with a smile
I remember thinking, “Can’t you stay
Just one more mile?”

I’ve never seen her since that day
In the rear-view watching me
I’ve never seen her since that place
Mile marker two-forty-three

She said, “I don’t really know you
But you seem like a nice guy
Maybe in another lifetime
We could give this thing a try
But you have your life and place
And there are things I’ve got to be
So thanks for the ride, but let me off
At mile marker two-forty-three”

Stopped at a rest stop
On highway forty
I met a trucker
His name was Shorty
He said he tried
Oh how he tried
But in the end it’s
Just a matter of time

He knew my hometown
Shipped stuff there often
Each mile he passed by
Nails in his coffin
And he was tired
He’d grown so tame
We were different but
We were just the same

We talked for hours
Picked up the pieces
We joked and drank and
Paid off our leases
And was it truth?
And was it lie?
‘Cause in the end it’s
Just a matter of time

Sitting in the corner of a run down bar
In Big Bear, California
Father James O’Reilly smiles and puts one down
A young green-eyed girl walks up to him and says
“How’s about a little fun tonight?”

And the Father smiles

He said, “Sex on the beach and Misty’s LSD
That was a long time ago for me
And maybe one day I’ll be okay with that
Confess me your sins in a red cookie tin
And I’ll pull your name right out of my hat”

He got up, set his Rosary on the stool
And started for the door
Father James O’Reilly looked me right in the eye
Unclipped his collar, tossed it to the side as I said
“Father, must you leave again this time?”

And the Father smiles

He said, “Sex on the beach and Misty’s LSD
That was a long time ago for me
And maybe one day I’ll be okay with that
Confess me your sins in a red cookie tin
And I’ll pull your name right out of my hat”

The windshield wipers just smeared
The raindrops into bands of water
And the headlights slowly moved in
From behind
Obscured in the darkness, I
Painlessly eased my foot down harder
On the gas, and maybe I’ve just lost
My mind

So I tuck my head into the wind
Like anyone should sometimes
I can’t remember a sunny day
Don’t know what it means, anyway
I am what I am
When it’s raining

Sometimes the white lines turn grey
Somethings I’ve just never thought to say
You know what I’m thinking, anyway

The high-beams sometimes just light
The darkness that may rather be black
And the shadows slowly crept off
To the side
Obscured in the teardrops, I
Painfully eased my foot down harder
On the gas, and maybe I’ve just lost
My mind

So I tuck my head into the wind
Like anyone should sometimes
I can’t remember a sunny day
Don’t know what it means, anyway
I am what I am
When it’s raining

Stopped at a little roadside diner
Somewhere off I-10
And I told the waitress I was only passing
Through

She flew an F-18 in the Persian Gulf
Her eyes were narrow
And every so often I thought I was getting
Through

She watched her wingman go down
Over Al Basrah
And every so often I thought I was getting
Through
To her

She knew a good man when she saw ‘em
And so passed me by
She watched until I’d walked
Right out the door

And every so often I thought I was getting
Through

I don’t care, I don’t care anymore
You can tape my eyes shut
Spray-paint my walls
And I don’t care, I don’t care anymore
You can steal my dignity
And laugh at it all
I don’t care, I don’t care anymore
I don’t care, I don’t care anymore

I’m right ’cause you’re wrong
I’m weak ’cause you’re strong
I’m hurt, sing a song
And you’ve known all along

That I don’t care, I don’t care anymore
You can stab me again
Leave me to bleed
And I don’t care, I don’t care anymore

I’ve just got to get out of here
I’ve just got to get out of here

And what if I told you I missed you?
What if I told you you’re needed?
What if we lived happily-ever-after?
Yeah? Well what if we didn’t?
It’s a game, you know I’m playing with fire
The tides are turning, they’re tryin’ to put out the flame
I’ve known you ever since the day I met you
And somehow that ain’t ever gonna change
But we’ve changed
Yeah, you know we’ve changed

And like a river into the sea
The difference between you and me
The difference between me and you
The difference between know . . . and knew

I think your expectations may have been a little too high
How can you say it’s over when we’ve just begun to try
I can pretend I walk on water, but you know my lips are dry
I’ve been a fool before, I know, and I’m a fool again this time
Mmmm, mmmm

Call me crazy baby, but I think we’ve lost the road
You try to look much younger when we’re both just gettin’ old
I’ve loved you since the day we met, and now your truth unfolds
Warm me up night after night, you were always just this cold
Mmmm, mmmm

11:22, what can you do
When you find the truth ain’t true
11:22, what do you know
When you’ve run out of places to go
11:22, new life in a new place
Another friend, another pretty face

In the sunset of your dreamscapes
Voices call out for mercy
In the essence of a twisted fate
You can drink until you’re thirsty
Wheels spinnin’ but you know you’re
Goin’ nowhere, goin’ nowhere

11:28, factions and fate
You can’t claim the stakes you make
11:28, how can you leave
You haven’t found the time to breathe
11:30, waters dirtied
By the sounds of old Syd Barrett

Wheels spinnin’ but you know you’re
Goin’ nowhere, goin’ nowhere

The waves of life will only get you so far
Sometimes you gotta get out and walk
You’re gonna learn
Sometimes you gotta speak before you can talk

The waves of life will come and go
The tides run in and out and in and out
You gotta learn
There’s a time to scoff and a time for clout

You’re gonna learn
That even the biggest wave crests and falls
Even the biggest wave crests and falls

He reached back for a bottle of wine
People ain’t always who you think they are
On the inside
He left a hand-scrawled note by the door
He knows that things ain’t ever gonna be the same
Not anymore
No, not anymore
Anymore, anymore

He knows temptation rattles on any soul
And sometimes you’re stuck in the paradox
Diggin’ out of a hole
He left a cheap piano and a beat-up bass guitar
Musicians always live a tortured life
And few get far

He reached back for a bottle of wine
Somehow no matter how much he drank
His lips stayed dry
He used to smile at the irony
But not anymore
No, not anymore
Anymore, anymore

I feel so damned insignificant
The things I do a pointless waste
I’m so damned tired of people
So get the f### out of my face
F### all the relationships
F### all of my friends
F### everything that you stand for
It won’t matter in the end

One by one, toppling down
The reddened bodies on the ground
Another war, another bomb
Another f###ed up song

I feel there’s nothing left to live for
No more friends, no feelings, no fear
I wish I could just end it all
Nobody would shed a f###ing tear
F### all the emotions
F### all your new, false starts
F### all the pointless little peons
Who haven’t got a string in their hearts

Mary Jane, poppin’ pills
I think maybe that’s overkill
Burst a vein, not too long
Another f###ed up song

Sunday night and your god’s just gone away
You try to place the words, find the things to say
But you sip your drink and dig that hole in the wall
Never thought the world could get this small
You dig and you dig until that shovel breaks
Reach in with faint hope for maybe just a taste
Of all of those things you’ve been searching for
But it was just the knock at someone else’s door

Monday night and you’re still somewhere in town
Your spiral world is spinnin’ round and round
You’ve had your chance at this child-play game
It’s so much different yet it’s all the same
Vertigo red, orange, yellow, and green
Swirls about you and still remains unseen
You turned your back and ran against the grain
And it used to be you thought you were sane

Friday night and you’ve just lost your will
You’ve got ‘em on the floor, afraid to make the kill
So you write your lines, you draw your breaths
Look over the shoulders and maybe pass the tests
So think it’s wrong or maybe think it’s right
Think it’s all about right here, right now, tonight
So taste the honey-soft sweetness of the distant air
And run your star-struck memories through its hair

Saturday night and you’re still on the rebound
But there’s just no girls left for you in this town
You’ve done them all and still you’re all alone
You have their numbers but they’ve got no phones
It’s all a joke and you know nobody laughs
Because you’re still tryin’ to live in the past
You have to seal your fate as you close your doors
And you’re just not seventeen anymore

Wednesday night and there ain’t much left
To hold you to the ground or wet your breath
So you blast your music, you search your soul
Tryin’ to find a ladder out from this hole
But there ain’t no ladder, and there ain’t no help
At least you think a little for yourself
So where are you now, and what road’s next?
When was the last time you even tried to confess?

Thursday night and your world feels so dead
You’ve let all that laughter go to your head
But there’s an innocence still buried somewhere
And you’re too old to question why life ain’t fair
You shoot it up, or you take another drag
Go out with your friends to make fun of fags
But they’re on the corner makin’ fun of you
The tides have turned, so whatcha gonna do?

Monday night and you’re still somewhere in town
Your spiral world is spinnin’ round and round
You’ve had your chance at this child-play game
It’s so much different yet it’s all the same
Vertigo red, orange, yellow, and green
Swirls about you and still remains unseen
You turned your back and ran against the grain
And it used to be you thought you were sane

Tuesday night and you don’t know anymore
Why it’s so cold and you’re with a whore
You feel her pleasures, feel her deceit
There’s a venom inside her you’ve yet to meet
But you’ve tired, moved on to a better ride
Gotta get between someone else’s thighs
They say what goes around comes around
And you think you’re gonna get out of this town

Here as I lie in darkened skies
And wish for things to change
You reach for me but cannot see
I’m slightly out of range
You had your chance I’m free at last
I’ll fulfill my dreamers dreams
Now I know it’s time to go
There’s nothing left for me

Now I’m gone and feeling strong
And I can reach the sky
This ringing phone I’m not alone
Has it all been a lie?
Now your chance has passed at last
I finally feel free
These hazy dawns I’m moving on
To live within my dreams

You stupid f### you’d better duck
I’ve taken a turn for the worse
You think you’re free to lecture me
Because I finished first
I will not take unbridled hate
I will not reach for you
And as I lie in darkened skies
There’s nothing else to do