This page includes all of the quotes that appear, randomly selected, at the bottom right corner of the site. There are all kinds of quotes—funny, thought provoking, political, and any combination of the above. They are from theologians, authors, politicians, pundits, friends, family, and…me. I usually agree with these quotes, or—if I don’t—I think they’re otherwise thought provoking and useful. Please report any errors (or submit new quotes) using the contact page.

‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ is better than all the songs Ms. [Celine] Dion has recorded, put together. — Stephen King

…the [Catholic Church] has not merely told this truth or that truth, but has revealed itself as a truth-telling thing. All other philosophies say the things that plainly seem to be true; only this philosophy has again and again said the thing that does not seem to be true, but is true. — G. K. Chesterton

640 K[ilobytes] ought to be enough for anybody. — Bill Gates

A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess from the public treasury. — Sir Alex Fraser Tytler

A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government. — President George Washington

A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have. — President Gerald Ford (R)

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze new problems, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. — Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

A keyboard without a computer? That’s like legs without a frog, or rainbow-colored butts without the baboon. — Scott Bradford

A liberal is a conservative who hasn’t been mugged yet. — Frank Rizzo

A man is said to have a right to his property, he may be equally said to have a property in his rights. Where an excess of power prevails, property of no sort is duly respected. No man is safe in his opinions, his person, his faculties, or his possessions. — President James Madison (Democratic-Republican)

A monarch’s neck should always have a noose around it. It keeps him upright. — Robert A. Heinlein

A statesman is a politician who’s been dead for ten or fifteen years. — President Harry S Truman (D)

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him. — David Brink

About 25 percent of the cost of a (Windows) laptop is there just to support XP, which is like a person that has gotten so fat that they use most of their muscle to move their fat. — Nicholas Negroponte

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. — Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. — Sen. Fred Thompson (R-TN)

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. — Ambrose Pierce

All the armies of Europe combined could not by force make a track upon the Blue Ridge, or take a drink from the Ohio. If we are to be destroyed, we must do it ourselves. — President Abraham Lincoln (R)

All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom; justice; honor; duty; mercy; hope. — Sir Winston Churchill

Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest. — Mark Twain

America’s high schools are obsolete. By obsolete, I don’t just mean that they’re broken, flawed, or underfunded, though a case could be made for every one of those points. By obsolete, I mean our high schools—even when they’re working as designed—cannot teach all our students what they need to know today. — Bill Gates

Among the many misdeeds of the British Rule in India, history will look upon the Act of depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest. — Mahatma Gandhi

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. — Sir Winston Churchill

Animal rescue personnel now believe the sea lion may have been disoriented because of the bullet in the back of its skull. — Associated Press

Apart from the cross, there is no other ladder by which we may get to heaven. — St. Rose of Lima

Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. — Jonathan Rauch

Are we at last brought to such humiliating and debasing degradation that we cannot be trusted with arms for our defense? Where is the difference between having our arms in possession and under our direction, and having them under the management of Congress? If our defense be the real object of having those arms, in whose hands can they be trusted with more propriety, or equal safety to us, as in our own hands? — Patrick Henry

As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live. — The Venerable Pope John Paul II

Asking an artist to talk about his work is like asking a plant to discuss horticulture. — Jean Cocteau

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. — Terry Pratchett

But eventually I came to accept the truth: I am overweight. This is not my fault. My body, without consulting me, has been converting the food I eat into fat, as opposed to something I can actually use, such as toothpaste. — Dave Barry

But let us never forget…beyond Europe’s borders, in a world where oppression and violence are very real, liberation is still a moral goal, and freedom and security still need defenders. — President George W. Bush (R)

But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; they said to you, ‘In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.’ It is these who set up divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. — St. Jude, Jude 1:17-19 (RSV)

Can the liberties of a nation be thought secure, when we’ve removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of people that these liberties are the gifts of God? — President Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)

Chronic wrongdoing, or an impotence which results in a general loosening of the ties of civilized society, may ultimately require intervention by some civilized nation — President Theodore Roosevelt (R)

Conscience has rights because it has duties. — The Venerable John Henry Newman

Creative thinkers make many false starts, and continually waver between unmanageable fantasies and systematic attack. — Harry Hepner

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. — George Bernard Shaw

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. — William Jennings Bryan

Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive. — Elbert Hubbard

Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. — William Faulkner

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form. — The New York Times

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game. — Douglas Adams

Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will know them by their fruits. Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. — Jesus Christ, Matthew 7:19-21 (RSV)

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. — Albert Einstein

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. — Oscar Wilde

Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions. — G. K. Chesterton

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. — Mahatma Gandhi

For those who believe, no explanation is necessary; for those who do not believe, no explanation will suffice. — Joseph Dunninger

Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought. — The Venerable Pope John Paul II

Give something, however small, to the one in need. For it is not small to one who has nothing. Neither is it small to God, if we have given what we could. — St. Gregory Nazianzen

Giving your Social Security Number is voluntary. However, we cannot process your application without it. — USAJobs application instructions

God who gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are the gift of God? — President Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen…. We’ve got a small problem in that all four engines [on this plane] have failed. We’re doing our utmost to get them going, and I trust you’re not in too much distress. — Capt. Eric Moody, British Airways

Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement. — Mark Twain

Government doesn’t solve problems, it subsidizes them. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. — Sally Koch

Gun control historically serves as a gateway to tyranny. Tyrants from Hitler to Mao to Stalin have sought to disarm their own citizens, for the simple reason that unarmed people are easier to control. — Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)

Having a computer doesn’t make you a hacker. Having a lighter doesn’t make you an arsonist. And having a gun doesn’t make you a killer. — Anonymous, The Chattanoogan, 7/7/2009

He is no fool that gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. — Jim Elliot

Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. — Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Hell is other people. — Jean-Paul Sartre

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. — Sir Winston Churchill

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. — Douglas Adams

I am astonished by [U.S.] President [George W.] Bush when he claims there is nothing in the Qur’an that justifies jihad violence in the name of Islam. Is he some kind of Islamic scholar? Has he ever actually read the Qur’an? — Abu Qatada, Muslim cleric

I am the whitest man in America. No rhythm whatsoever. If I were going to be a rapper, my name would be DW Toast—Dry White Toast. — Jon Bon Jovi

I believe America’s greatest problem is not un-godliness. It is not spiritual darkness. It is an un-repentant church who has decided that it is more important to be politically correct than it is to proclaim the principles of the Word. — Senior Pastor Harry Jackson, Hope Christian Church

I could just hear the swirling through the windows going…pheioooi pghoowo [sic]. — Mary Mason, WSET.com

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. — Evelyn Beatrice Hall, The Friends of Voltaire

I do believe that where there is a choice only between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. — Mahatma Ghandhi

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. — Will Rogers

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work…I want to achieve it through not dying. — Woody Allen

I had a dream the other night. I dreamed that Jimmy Carter came to me and asked why I wanted his job. I told him I didn’t want his job; I want to be President. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

I hate flowers—I paint them because they’re cheaper than models and they don’t move. — Georgia O’Keeffe

I hate it when reality steals my plots. — Scott Bradford

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. — Mark Twain

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. — Thomas Edison

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. — Vice President Dan Quayle (R)

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. — Douglas Adams

I may have invented it [Ctrl-Alt-Del], but Microsoft made it popular. — David Bradley, IBM

I think the American people want a solemn ass as a President, and I think I’ll go along with them. — President Calvin Coolidge (R)

I was walking around one day trying to figure out what the meaning of life was. I figured it was something that would come to me easily while walking around, but I didn’t actually figure it out until I sat down. — Scott Bradford

I would have made a good Pope. — President Richard Nixon (R)

I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat! — Will Rogers

If only people knew as much about painting as I do, they would never buy my pictures. — Sir Edwin Landseer

If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world ablaze! — St. Catherine of Sienna

If you think too much about being reelected, it is very difficult to be worth reelecting. — President Woodrow Wilson (D)

If you want to build a ship, then don’t drum up men to gather wood, give orders, and divide the work. Rather, teach them to yearn for the far and the endless sea. — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Imagination is more important than knowledge. — Albert Einstein

Important principles may, and must, be inflexible. — President Abraham Lincoln (R)

In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take. — Gov. Adlai Stevenson (D-IL)

In free government the rulers are the servants, and the people their superiors and sovereigns. — Benjamin Franklin

In its default setup, Windows XP on the Internet amounts to a car parked in a bad part of town, with the doors unlocked, the key in the ignition and a Post-It note on the dashboard saying, ‘Please don’t steal this.’ — Rob Pegoraro, The Washington Post

In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. — President Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)

In three months I’ve gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theaters, and now I’m headed to basic cable. My plan is working perfectly. — Conan O’Brien

Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! — Gov. Patrick Henry (VA)

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

It is a fact, too—although a curious one—that the sale of small arms to gun enthusiasts or sportsmen produces a greater sense of moral outrage in western society than is produced by the sale to psychotic despots of weaponry capable of killing thousands. — Margaret Thatcher

It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish. — Bl. Theresa of Calcutta

It is better to be silent, and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. — Silvan Engel

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. — Mark Twain

It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion. — Anatole France

It is only right, however, that at all times and in all places, the Church should have true freedom to preach the faith, to teach her social doctrine, to exercise her role freely among men, and also to pass moral judgment in those matters which regard public order when the fundamental rights of a person or the salvation of souls require it. — Gaudium et Spes: Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World

It is sad that we live in a society where the haphazard money-driven PR stunt of a huge corporation is permitted to substitute for a life lesson. — Scott Bradford

It is to me a new and consolatory proof that wherever the people are well-informed they can be trusted with their own government; that whenever things get so far wrong as to attract their notice, they may be relied on to set them to rights. — President Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)

It isn’t that liberals are ignorant. It’s just that they know so much that isn’t so. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

It seems not many of them have changed their stripes, they remain the same twisted squiggles they’ve always been. — Scott Bradford

It’s always good to break ice that you’re not standing on. — Scott Bradford

It’s disingenuous to call something a ‘right’ if you simultaneously demand that people take advantage of their ‘right’ whether they want to or not. That’s not a right, it’s a command. Republics have rights; tyrants have commands. — Scott Bradford

It’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them. — Steve Jobs, Business Week

Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.’ And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.’ — John 20:21-23 (RSV)

Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate. — President John F. Kennedy (D)

Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils. — General John Stark

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. — Albert Einstein

Love is not everything, it is merely one piece among many pieces that go into a functional relationship. Trust, respect, an ability to compromise, and compatibility with respect to goals, family, and finances are all equally important. Love, without those other factors, is nothing worth hanging on to. — Scott Bradford

My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state [California]. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth. — Gov. Gray Davis (D-CA)

Neither the United States of America nor the world community of nations can tolerate deliberate deception and offensive threats on the part of any nation.…We no longer live in a world where only the actual firing of weapons represents an efficient challenge to a nation’s security to constitute maximum peril. — President John F. Kennedy (D)

Never ask a man what computer he uses. If it’s a Mac, he’ll tell you. If it’s not, why embarrass him? — Tom Clancy

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it. — Albert Einstein

Never expect the worst, but always be ready for it anyway. — Scott Bradford

No one in the world can change Truth. What we can do and should do is to seek truth and to serve it when we have found it. The real conflict is the inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the hecatombs of extermination camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves? — St. Maximilian Kolbe

Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations. — Ralph Charell

now please i am asking nicely leave me off your websight. i am not lying, and second of all i can find a way to make your sight crash [sic]. — Erin Dolan

Okay, so I lost The Tonight Show, but I’ll show them…I’ll stop shaving. — Conan O’Brien

On the other hand, if you’re just starting out as a writer, you could do worse than strip your television’s electric plug-wire, wrap a spike around it, and then stick it back into the wall. See what blows, and how far. Just an idea. — Stephen King

Once I conquer Finland, I’ll head south through the Baltics and on to Belarus. Soon, all the world will find me mildly amusing. — Conan O’Brien

One of the traditional methods of imposing statism or socialism on a people has been by way of medicine. It’s very easy to disguise a medical program as a humanitarian project. Most people are a little reluctant to oppose anything that suggests medical care for people who possibly can’t afford it. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

One way to make sure crime doesn’t pay would be to let the government run it. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

Only the Catholic Church protested against the Hitlerian [Nazi] onslaught on liberty. Up ’til then I had not been interested in the Church, but today I feel a great admiration for the Church, which alone has had the courage to struggle for spiritual truth and moral liberty. — Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. — Albert Einstein

Our citizens have been always free to make, vend, and export arms…the benefits of them will be left equally free and open to all. — President Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)

Our Founders, having just expelled the British army, knew that the right to bear arms serves as the guardian of every other right. This is the principle so often ignored by both sides in the gun control debate. Only armed citizens can resist tyrannical government. — Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. — Mark Twain

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. — Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

People who live their lives selfishly and at the detriment of others are often the ones who complain loudest about how badly they think they’ve been mistreated. — Scott Bradford

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you. — St. Augustine

Pray, hope, and don’t worry. — St. Pio of Pietrelcino

Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentis telum est. — Lucius Annaeus Seneca, (A sword is never a killer, it is a tool in the killer’s hands.)

Ramen is so tasty because it’s so simple—it’s like eating something homemade, except the ambiance is better. — Jun Yoshizawa

Reality is angering and frustrating, but it is reality. Sugar-coating won’t do anyone any good. — Scott Bradford

Reports that say something hasn’t happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns—the ones we don’t know we don’t know. — Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (R)

Ronald Reagan doesn’t dye his hair—he’s just prematurely orange. — President Gerald Ford (R)

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one’s own person is its ultimate reward. — Patricia Sampson

Si vis pacem, para bellum. — (If you seek peace, prepare for war.)

So I’m just sayin’ to BREATHE while you go along in this relationship, because if two people leave each other breathless too long somebody’s gonna lose consciousness. — Scott Bradford

So this is how liberty dies…with thunderous applause. — Padmé Amidala, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

So, let us not be blind to our differences—but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved. — President John F. Kennedy (D)

Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer. — Oscar Wilde

Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk. — Stephen King

Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along. We have heard this foolish delusion before. As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: ‘Lord, if I could only have talked to Hitler, all this might have been avoided.’ We have an obligation to call this what it is: the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history — President George W. Bush (R)

Students will not be prepared for work in an economy that demands higher-order skills if their schools focus exclusively on the basics. Students will not learn to think for themselves if their schools expect them just to stay in line and keep quiet. — Nick Rabkin and Robin Redmond, The Washington Post

Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time. — Arnold H. Glasow

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. — Emile Zola

The best way to predict the future is to create it. — Peter Drucker

The course of history shows that as the government grows, liberty decreases. — President Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)

The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis. — Dante Alighieri

The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment. — Robert Hutchins

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. — Tom Clancy

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. — Mark Twain

The freedom to kill is not true freedom, but a tyranny that reduces the human being to slavery. — Pope Benedict XVI

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. — Sir Winston Churchill

The last time I spoke for only twelve minutes was when I said hello to my mother. — Vice President Hubert Humphrey (D)

The laws that forbid the carrying of arms are laws…[that] disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes. — Cesare Beccaria, “On Crimes and Punishments”, 1764

The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a ‘mouse.’ There is no evidence that people want to use these things. — John Dvorak

The middle of the road is all of the usable surface. The extremes, right and left, are in the gutters. — President Dwight D. Eisenhower (R)

The more you read and observe about this politics thing, you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other. — Will Rogers

The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost invariably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane[,] and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And if he is not romantic personally, he is apt to spread discontent among those who are. — Henry Louis Mencken

The most deadly poison of our times is indifference. And this happens, although the praise of God should know no limits. Let us strive, therefore, to praise Him to the greatest extent of our powers. — St. Maximilian Kolbe

The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to allow the subject races to possess arms. History shows that all conquerors who have allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared their own downfall by so doing. — Adolf Hitler

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. — Albert Einstein

The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice. — President Theodore Roosevelt (R)

The mystery of government is not how it works, but how to make it stop. — P. J. O’Rourke

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. — John Kenneth Galbraith

The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency. — Sen. Eugene McCarthy (D-MN)

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it. — George Bernard Shaw

The President [Bill Clinton] has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. — George Stephanopolous

The right of self-defense never ceases. It is among the most sacred, and alike necessary[,] to nations and to individuals. — President James Monroe (Democratic-Republican)

The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions. — Gov. Adlai Stevenson (D-IL)

The things Congress does best are nothing and overreacting. — Tom Korologos

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. — Samuel Johnson

The United States has lasted well more than 200 years, but it is still young in the grand scheme of things. The apathy of the people can still be its downfall. — Scott Bradford

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. — B. Russell

The wisest thing to do with a fool is encourage him to hire a hall and discourse to his fellow citizens. Nothing chills nonsense like exposure to air. — President Woodrow Wilson (D)

The words of a President have an enormous weight, and ought not to be used indiscriminately. — President Calvin Coolidge (R)

The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first class. There’s far less competition. — Dwight Morrow

There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church….If we Catholics believed all of the untruths and lies which were said against the Church, we probably would hate the Church a thousand times more than they do. — Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. — Frank Zappa

There’s a pressure to stay thin and pretty…but I couldn’t care less. I have friends and family and a boyfriend and I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. And with that said, I definitely have one of the better [behinds] in the music industry, and no one will see it because I’m sitting at the piano! — Vanessa Carlton

There’s an old saying in Tennessee…I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee…that says, fool me once, shame on…shame on you. Fool me…you can’t get fooled again. — President George W. Bush (R)

This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes. — Hannah Arendt

This Universe never did make sense; I suspect that it was built on government contract. — Robert A. Heinlein, The Number of the Beast

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. — President John F. Kennedy (D)

To be a poet is a condition, not a profession. — Robert Frost

To cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life. — Samuel Johnson

To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them. — George Mason

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. — William M. Thackeray

Today’s various forms of dissolution of marriage, free unions, trial marriages[, and] the pseudo-matrimonies between people of the same sex are…anarchic freedom which falsely tries to pass itself off as the true liberation of man. — Pope Benedict XVI

Too much democracy leads to tyranny.…Tyranny of the majority need not be institutionalized by law. Public opinion, when regarded too highly, also exercises tyranny. — Alexis de Tocqueville

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. — Mel Brooks

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. — Sec. of State Henrey Kissinger (R)

Unlike presidential administrations, problems rarely have terminal dates. — President Dwight D. Eisenhower (R)

We all sit around in a circle and suppose, while the secret sits in the center and knows. — Robert Frost

We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials. — St. Teresa of Avila

We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions. — President Ronald Reagan (R)

We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence upon those who would do us harm. — George Orwell

What does it profit, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but has not works? Can his faith save him? If a brother or sister is ill-clad and in lack of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what does it profit? So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead. — St. James, James 2:14-17 (RSV)

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? — Mayor Marion Barry (D-DC)

Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle. — President George Washington

When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. — Jonathan Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects, Moral and Diverting

When I say ‘follow your heart,’ it’s actually shorthand for ‘follow your heart unless your brain makes a reasonable objection.’ — Scott Bradford

When I’m president, we’ll have executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow or any other day. [Apparently intending to suspend the Constitution upon his election]. — Rep. Dick Gephardt (D-MO)

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. That’s relativity. — Albert Einstein

Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty. — John Basil Barnhill, Indictment of Socialism No. 3

With the return of school I’ve gotten back into my stressed-out cycle. In this cycle I go back and forth between ‘OH MY GOD I HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO!’ and ‘Ah, screw it.’ — Scott Bradford

Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds. — Douglas Adams

Writing, is not necessarily something to be ashamed of—but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. — Robert A. Heinlein

Yes, college is still hell, only separated from High School by the middle-level of Wisdom Tooth Removal (which is not as fun as college, but MUCH more fun than High School). — Scott Bradford

You can blow thousands of people’s heads off with a semi-automatic machine gun [in American movies] but you can’t show a picture of my willy. — Ewan McGregor

You can call me a fat, balding, talentless old queen who can’t sing…but you can’t tell lies about me. — Elton John

You can’t judge yourself based on one person’s inability to see you for what you’re worth. — Scott Bradford

You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all. — St. Therese of Lisieux

You know, in China they say, ‘The thinner the chopsticks, the higher the social status.’ Of course, I got the thinnest I could find. That’s why people hate me. — Martha Stewart

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets. — Jesus Christ, Matthew 22:37-40 (RSV)

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. — Henry Drummond

You’ll notice our fancy dolphin gate motif…that indicates that we eat dolphins. — Chris Schaab

Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man…. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

[Virginia Tech] only gets any attention because of its flocks of jocks without educational qualification slamming into similar bunches from other schools (this process is known in the United States as ‘Football’). — Scott Bradford