I woke up in California
Surrounded by gubernatorial candidates
They say it’s the fruit and nut state
I believe them
I woke up in an L.A. alley
With pieces of corn stuck in my shoes
A guy walks up to mug me
And what have I got to lose

I said, “I’ve got about fifty cents
And a broken old Timex knock-off
What are you gonna do, man
Gonna shoot me over that?”
He looked confused

Like something crawled up inside him
And took a long, cold, knotty nap
I couldn’t even try to describe him
Or his frontwards baseball cap

I woke up in a midwestern
Farmer’s daugter’s bedroom closet
They say she’s got a dark side
I think I’ve seen it
I woke up in a sullen shelter
With cots and little cubicle walls around
A guy walks by with an iPod
And I can still hear the sound

It said, “Hey now, you’re an all star
I don’t know why I didn’t come
My name’s the real Slim Shady
Feels like I’ve got a disease”
I looked confused

Like something crawled up inside me
And took a long, cold, knotty nap
I can’t even try to explain it
But I’ll point it out on the map

I woke up in Afghanistan
People running, air full of fear
Then I realized I was in New York
And it’s been a wacky couple of years