Dear Abby Almost Falls for ‘Simpsons’ Spoof

Posted March 9, 2004, 4:00 p.m.

Oh dear, I don’t know what’s more sad—that somebody took the time to write out a paraphrased Simpson’s episode and send it to “Dear Abby,” or that “Dear Abby” is so out-of-it with regard to pop culture that she didn’t notice.

This episode was in the first couple of seasons and has been replayed so many times in the, uh, DECADE since it first aired that I’d be surprised if anybody with even a passing interest in the show hasn’t seen it.

And if you don’t have even a passing interest in The Simpsons, you should get one. Some say it’s a bad influence and all that, but in fact it’s just smart comedy with good underlying values. If you say otherwise, you either haven’t seen an episode all the way through or you’re really, really, really dense.

Dear Abby Almost Falls for ‘Simpsons’ Spoof (AP via FoxNews.com [no longer available]).

Scott Bradford has been putting his opinions on his website since 1995—before most people knew what a website was. He has been a professional web developer in the public- and private-sector for over twenty years. He is an independent constitutional conservative who believes in human rights and limited government, and a Catholic Christian whose beliefs are summarized in the Nicene Creed. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Public Administration from George Mason University. He loves Pink Floyd and can play the bass guitar . . . sort-of. He’s a husband, pet lover, amateur radio operator, and classic AMC/Jeep enthusiast.

Quotes

I think I am actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.

The sad truth of the matter is that most evil is done by people who never made up their minds to be or do either evil or good.

He who, by causing pain to others, wishes to obtain pleasure for himself, he, entangled in the bonds of hatred, will never be free from hatred.

When you ain’t nothing else, you are an artist. It’s the one thing you can claim to be and nobody can prove you ain’t.

On the other hand . . . you have different fingers.

Science adapts its theory to reality, whereas ideology adapts reality to theory.

But he who lives a hundred years, vicious and unrestrained, a life of one day is better if a man is virtuous and reflecting.

Once you’ve dissected a joke, you’re about where you are when you’ve dissected a frog. It’s dead.

Competition does a much more effective job than government at protecting consumers.

Bad deeds, and deeds hurtful to ourselves, are easy to do; what is beneficial and good, that is very difficult to do.

I still feel you should rock the boat. And if you’re not in it, you should turn it over. But not unthinkingly.

Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtasked.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

I made a misstatement and I stand by all my misstatements.

Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do. That’s true for companies, and it’s true for products.

For the revolution is never stronger than the failure of civilization. Communism is never stronger than the failure of other faiths.

Much of the social history of the Western world, over the past three decades, has been a history of replacing what worked with what sounded good.

War is like fishing with a golden net; the loss risked is always greater than the catch can be.

All generous minds have a horror of what are commonly called ‘facts.’ They are the brute beasts of the intellectual domain.

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