Florida Returned for Repairs

Florida, the United States’ 27th state, is being returned to Spain for repairs under a colonial-era warranty plan. Britain acquired Florida from Spain, who had allied with the French, after winning the French and Indian War in 1763. Part of the Treaty of Paris agreement ending the war included a 300 year warranty against defects for the modern-day State of Florida.

Under the agreement, this warranty applied to all future owners. The United States won Florida from Britain following the Revolutionary War in the 1770’s.

Florida was guaranteed by Spain to be free from defects, specifically in Democratic Process and intelligence. After the US presidential election of 2000 many in the United States government began to doubt that Spain had provided them a properly functioning product.

Two years later, during the Democratic gubernatorial primary in 2002, Florida experienced similar problems with their voting process even after a major redesign of the system. In response, the US Senate commissioned a task force to investigate whether Florida is functioning properly and concluded that the state should be eligible for warranty repairs.

Reportedly after spending six days on hold, Spanish technical support requested that Florida perform a recount while holding the shift-key, which places the election commission in “safe-mode”. The election was still undecided, and citing that this has shown to be a recurring problem Spain has grudgingly accepted the request for free repair.

If Florida is found to be permanently damaged, Spain will be forced to offer the United States a full refund for the cost of the French and Indian War, or a new state of equal or greater land mass from Spain’s current territorial holdings.

There was no comment from the Spanish government, reporting that they do not discuss the nature of specific repairs. They do report, however, that other former Spanish holdings are having similar problems and they may initiate a recall. Many conjecture that Mexico and some South American nations have been back for repairs in Spain several times.

A US Senate spokesperson reports that shipping costs, estimated in the billions (US$), will have to be covered by the Spanish government.

Scott Bradford has been putting his opinions on his website since 1995—before most people knew what a website was. He has been a professional web developer in the public- and private-sector for over twenty years. He is an independent constitutional conservative who believes in human rights and limited government, and a Catholic Christian whose beliefs are summarized in the Nicene Creed. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Public Administration from George Mason University. He loves Pink Floyd and can play the bass guitar . . . sort-of. He’s a husband, pet lover, amateur radio operator, and classic AMC/Jeep enthusiast.