GMU to Cease Academic Programs; Focus Entirely on Sports

Today, the first day of April, George Mason University announced that it will no longer offer any academic classes or degree programs, instead focusing entirely on its growing sports program. This move has GMU following in the footsteps of other Virginia universities like Virginia Tech and the University of Virginia.

“With our basketball team in the final four for the first time in history, now is a perfect time to announce this shift in focus,” said University President Alan Merten. “It’s important for us to adapt to America’s diminishing interest in education and learning, and this is an excellent way for us to continue to justify our existence.”

All students in current GMU academic programs are being instructed by school officials to either complete their degrees before the end of the year, join a GMU sports team, or transfer to an expensive private school that still values academic study.

Scott Bradford is a writer and technologist who has been putting his opinions online since 1995. He believes in three inviolable human rights: life, liberty, and property. He is a Catholic Christian who worships the trinitarian God described in the Nicene Creed. Scott is a husband, nerd, pet lover, and AMC/Jeep enthusiast with a B.S. degree in public administration from George Mason University.