Economic Woes Lead to Cancellation of 2009

The United Nations Commission on Annualization (UNCOA) has announced that, due to the worldwide economic crisis, 2009 will be canceled. UNCOA spokesman Mohamed Abbas announced today that, if economic conditions permit, years will resume with 2010 after an empty space in the space-time continuum equivalent to the previously proposed 365-day length of the canceled year.

Critics claim that the cancellation of 2009 will exacerbate the economic crisis, as all existence will cease during the time that would have been the new year. The New York Stock Exchange, Nasdaq, and most other major international stock indexes are expected to disappear during the temporary cessation of time and, thus, there will likely be no economic recovery until time resumes in 2010 or later.

Revelers can expect a cataclysmic disintegration of all time and space as they ring in the New Year. Scientists had previously scheduled a ‘leap second’ to correct for the slowing of the Earth’s rotation, and because the leap second is technically part of 2008 the temporary end of time will actually occur one second after midnight. All citizens of Earth are urged to remain calm as their existence comes to a temporary end. UNCOA officials reiterate the absolute necessity of calling off 2009 until more economic stability can be assured.

Regular posting will resume after UNCOA restarts time.

Scott Bradford is a writer and technologist who has been putting his opinions online since 1995. He believes in three inviolable human rights: life, liberty, and property. He is a Catholic Christian who worships the trinitarian God described in the Nicene Creed. Scott is a husband, nerd, pet lover, and AMC/Jeep enthusiast with a B.S. degree in public administration from George Mason University.