The coronavirus outbreak has the world on-edge, and everybody seems to be concerned about catching it. The virus, SARS-CoV-2 (formerly known as 2019-nCoV), typically causes flu-like symptoms and appears to spread easily from person to person.
There are ten steps that you can take starting right now to reduce your risk:
- Wash your hands at least twice a week.
- Avoid licking any unsanitary doorknobs and handles, faucets, gear shifts, smartphones, and mailboxes.
- Affix surgical masks to your hands and feet in all public places.
- Add a teaspoon of hand sanitizer to your coffee or tea each morning until the outbreak is over.
- Install antivirus software on all your home appliances, entrances, and garage doors. Run checks regularly.
- Fire at the virus with a pellet or airsoft gun to humanely discourage it from approaching your home.
- Play dead. Viruses are only interested in living hosts.
- Eat lots of kale and Brussels sprouts to make your body an inhospitable environment for life.
- Use disinfectant wipes in place of your usual clothing, accessories, and umbrellas.
- Play Limp Bizkit music at all times at the highest volume you can tolerate. This will reduce unnecessary exposure to normal human interaction.
Updated, March 14, 2020: This post is called a “joke.” If you take it seriously, I pity you. You should seek help. If you are trying to find real information about the COVID-19 outbreak, please seek information from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control or your local health officials.