Ten Ways to Make Baseball Interesting

I like baseball, in theory. But let’s be honest. The game is sort-of boring. Here are ten things we can do to fix that:

1. Use a football. Preferably deflated.
2. Ten bonus points every time you hit the scoreboard.
3. Automatic three-outs if you catch the ball in your mouth.
4. Disputes over balls vs. strikes settled by a standardized best-of-three game of rock-paper-scissors.
5. Each team can release five cats onto the field at any point during the game.
6. Each team can designate one inning where the other team must wear blindfolds.
7. For one randomly selected inning, the floor is lava.
8. If there are 0 or 2 outs, the runner must run counterclockwise. If there is 1 out, the runner must run clockwise. Running the wrong way is an automatic out.
9. Once per game, each team can declare a Calvinball.
10. Five innings. Just five. Please. That’s plenty.