Lenovo Acquires the United States of America

The United States of America, a privately-owned financial services, insurance, and automotive company, has been acquired by Chinese computer-maker Lenovo. Barack Obama, president and CEO of the United States, has hailed the acquisition as a new beginning for the 233-year-old USA.

The United States began life in 1776 as a democratic republic, hailed around the world for its new and innovative political system which was intended to derive its just powers from its citizens. After a turbulent 232 years, the United States acquired several banking, insurance, and automotive companies in 2008 and reorganized as a private business. Then-CEO George W. Bush, after initiating the privatization of the U.S. government, ceded authority to Barack Obama in the country’s final free election under the previous charter (‘Constitution’).

The U.S. Board of Directors, formerly known as ‘Congress’, agreed to sell the business to Lenovo after contentious debate when it became clear that their core businesses—banking, finance, and automobiles—were unsustainable without major foreign investment.

Lenovo officials were unavailable for comment.

Scott Bradford has been putting his opinions on his website since 1995—before most people knew what a website was. He has been a professional web developer in the public- and private-sector for over twenty years. He is an independent constitutional conservative who believes in human rights and limited government, and a Catholic Christian whose beliefs are summarized in the Nicene Creed. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Public Administration from George Mason University. He loves Pink Floyd and can play the bass guitar . . . sort-of. He’s a husband, pet lover, amateur radio operator, and classic AMC/Jeep enthusiast.