In Tough Times, Americans Hoarding Starbucks Coffee

In these tough economic times, one business is doing extraordinarily well: Starbucks.

The premium coffee shop, known for charging more than $3 for a simple cup of coffee, has found itself struggling to keep pace with drastically increased demand as more and more Americans resort to hoarding the hard-to-find drinks. While the company insists it has the means to keep up with demand, many local Starbucks are reporting shortages of their most popular drinks and some customers are being sent away empty handed.

“I have a gun safe at home, and I’ve moved all the rifles and handguns to the closet so I have room in there for Caffe Mochas and Caramel Macchiatos,” said Keith Robinson, a local real estate agent. “I want to make sure I have all the Starbucks coffees I need if things go bad, and they’re getting hard to find.”

Much of the recent fear stems from comments by members of the United States Board of Directors indicating that premium coffee rights may be limited over the coming months and years. The United States of America, which announced this morning it had been acquired by Chinese computer-maker Lenovo, has a very high coffee abuse rate, and some company officials have indicated their support for coffee control measures like prohibitions on high-caffeine drinks, six-hour purchase waiting periods, and more.

Robinson says he isn’t taking any chances. “If these limits take effect, well, we might just have a revolution on our hands. And if that day comes, I’m going to be wired.”

Lenovo Acquires the United States of America

The United States of America, a privately-owned financial services, insurance, and automotive company, has been acquired by Chinese computer-maker Lenovo. Barack Obama, president and CEO of the United States, has hailed the acquisition as a new beginning for the 233-year-old USA.

The United States began life in 1776 as a democratic republic, hailed around the world for its new and innovative political system which was intended to derive its just powers from its citizens. After a turbulent 232 years, the United States acquired several banking, insurance, and automotive companies in 2008 and reorganized as a private business. Then-CEO George W. Bush, after initiating the privatization of the U.S. government, ceded authority to Barack Obama in the country’s final free election under the previous charter (‘Constitution’).

The U.S. Board of Directors, formerly known as ‘Congress’, agreed to sell the business to Lenovo after contentious debate when it became clear that their core businesses—banking, finance, and automobiles—were unsustainable without major foreign investment.

Lenovo officials were unavailable for comment.

Goodbye, Microsoft Encarta

I’m generally no fan of Microsoft or its products, but I have to admit I have fond memories of the Microsoft Encarta encyclopedia program and was unexpectedly saddened to hear that it is being discontinued. In the days before the Internet was as useful as it is today, Encarta—housed on compact disks—was a huge improvement over bound, physical encyclopedias (and quite a bit cheaper too). It was wonderful to be able to bring up long, informative articles about nearly any subject in seconds on your computer.

Of course, we take this kind of thing for granted now. Wikipedia has become a ubiquitous source of more information than Encarta could ever have pretended to provide. Microsoft tried to make Encarta relevant by taking it online, but ultimately its time passed and most of us nearly forgot it still existed. Most Encarta web sites will be going dark on October 31, and sales of the physical disks will cease some time in the summer.

Despite all my Microsoft hatin’, I have to give credit where credit is due. Encarta was among the first broadly available electronic encyclopedias, and was a real trailblazer in making information more readily accessible to the average person.

Surprise Surprise; GM & Chrysler Still Failing

So it’s not really a surprise to any of us, but it turns out that General Motors (GM) and Chrysler—’saved’ from the brink by billions upon billions of taxpayer dollars that we’ll never see again—still aren’t solvent and still have no rational plan for recovery. Late yesterday, we found out that GM chief executive Rick Wagoner was being forced out the door eight years too late and today we find out that President Barack Obama’s (D) administration has given GM and Chrysler’s restructuring efforts a failing grade.

Call me crazy, but wasn’t the $13.4 billion auto bailout by President George W. Bush enough? Did nobody see the writing on the wall when they came crawling back to Congress two months later for $21.6 billion? Am I the only one sitting here thinking that a good, old-fashioned Chapter 11 bankruptcy reorganization (or Chapter 7 liquidation) would be a heck of a lot better than spending billions of dollars to prop up these empty shells of their former selves?

Obama is on the verge of setting a deadline—60 days for GM, 30 for Chrysler—for the two organizations to straighten themselves out and show they can succeed . . . which worked so well when they were given similar deadlines after the first bailout in December. Of course, the federal government (and, thus, us) will be funding their existence over this period. If King Obama and Prince Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner are satisfied with the two companies’ progress at the end of the 30/60 days, the companies will receive yet another many-billion-dollar ‘investment’ from taxpayers’ pockets.

I seem to recall predicting this back when the companies came back to the trough for $21.6 billion:

“Let me write the next part of the story for our legislators and our new president: in six months, they’ll have burned through the $21.6 billion and they’ll come back to you asking for $43.2 billion. Six months after that, they’ll come back desperately needing $25.4 billion. Shall I go on?”

Sometimes I hate being right. I weep for the republic.

SoSA Celebration: How ‘Harvest of Hope’ Helped Me Live Out My Faith

I delivered this brief talk at the Society of Saint Andrew Celebration held at Fairlington United Methodist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, on March 29, 2009.

Good afternoon!

I was asked to speak a bit today about how participating in Harvest of Hope helped me live out my faith.

It’s hard to believe, but my first time participating at Harvest was over ten years ago now. It really doesn’t seem like it’s been than long. It was the summer of 1998, between my 10th and 11th grade school years, and like most teenagers I was trying to figure out who I was going to be when I grew up. I was questioning everything.

I’m a very analytical and skeptical person, and I am the first to admit that I have a hard time believing in things that can’t be directly understood or examined. Thus, it was not a foregone conclusion that I would be a Christian at the end of my chaotic teen-aged examination of self. In some respects, believing in a God that can’t been seen, touched, or scientifically examined goes against my nature.

Scott Bradford is a writer and technologist who has been putting his opinions online since 1995. He believes in three inviolable human rights: life, liberty, and property. He is a Catholic Christian who worships the trinitarian God described in the Nicene Creed. Scott is a husband, nerd, pet lover, and AMC/Jeep enthusiast with a B.S. degree in public administration from George Mason University.